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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I am a blogging fool tonight. 4 - count 'em FOUR in one night.


First Place -
To the girl down at our McDonalds, who asked me when I ordered a
plain cheeseburger, if I "wanted the meat with that."

Tied for Second Place -
To Steve, who kindly dumped the remaining half of his water bottle
into my fake plant.

For Amy, who realized the hard way that you have to remove the tampon

For Earl, who thought only the stink bug would catch fire if he shot
it point blank with a torch - on the couch.

For Little Joe, who put Tiger Balm on his eyelids because Earl told
him it would feel good.

For Earl and friends, who thought it would be cool to catch the hackie sack on fire and then kick it into a tree.

For Michelle, who thought lettuce grew in trees (and was collected
like coconuts).

For Amy, who poured the oil in deep fryer and not in the crock that goes inside the deep fryer.

For Kevin, who thought it would be funny to drive Mr. Daschke's car
into the pond.

For Earl and Kenny, who slammed into the back of a brand new Cadillac because they were looking at the police officer behind them (Kenny was driving.)

For Chris Stevens, who lit a bottle rocket and threw it in the air directly above Amy's hair.

For Earl, who threw the Chinese Throwing Star so hard it bounced off the wall and hit Amy in the eye.

For Cane, who when Earl told him to "put your throat in my hands", he did.

For Tex, who got hit in the thigh with a red paint ball from Earl's paint ball gun, and thought someone had really shot him.

For Keri, who fell down the stairs looking for ghosts in Amy's basement.

For Amy, who thought salt looked good enough to chug.

For Jack and Ozzy, who thought they could pull an entire turkey off
the stove and eat it, bones and all, without getting sick or having anyone find out.

For Tabi, who thought you could flush a dish towel.

For Earl, who thought the flame would stop at the end of the string
when he tried to singe it off Amy's 100% polyester pants - while she was wearing them.

For Michelle, who thought chicks were their own species and remained
chicks their entire life.

For Julie's brother, who decided to stick his hand in the spokes while
he was riding his bike.

For Amy, who, just for shits and giggles, drove across the highway
with someone on the hood of the car, only to be reported by the
mayor's father and caught by the chief of police who now works with

To be continues as life goes on...
SEE. I don't change, my hair just gets longer. Unfortunately, I don't have too many 80's pictures because I was in highschool at that time, and I was a too much of a geek to show anybody any pictures of that.

Sp00kalot & her Best Buds 1995

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Sp00kalot & Angus 1991

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Simple this you MOTHER F*$o@#*)'s.

My friends, it is my duty as an American to inform you of a devious scam that I - yes I, SPOOKALOT - was suckered into. A scam so successful, $488 million has been stolen from people just like you and me.

And Now For One Monthly Payment, You Too Can Have Money Stolen From You.

I was afraid to blog this at first, for fear that I had done something wrong (as you will see in the rip off report I filed below). I was unsure about the amount of blame that was on my shoulders.

I, was a pussy.


Let me tell you that I am NOT to blame for this. I never received what I was promised. I think Zero Boss can relate to this. And it is my God given right to ask for my money back...

I have found the BBB is not all that's its cracked up to be. They only post the reports that have been 'satisfied'. By going through however, you can at least get your complaint out there for the world to see. I filed a rip-off report (that's me from Bethlehem, PA! - I did post it down below however for your convenience) with them - a service through

That, Blogtown, is when I found out that there are PAGES of complaints, dating back to early 2004, against Simpleescapes. All from people that have had money sucked right out of their credit cards and checking accounts. Anywhere from monthly charges of $9.95 to a quick $69.00 swipe, to $179.50 for a 'member renewal fee'... Some never even heard of Simpleescapes, some were promised things like me, some know this company by different names...

BE CAREFUL. Read those reports. It's sickening! I had to stop reading after awhile...

Here is my report below so you can see exactly what happened.

"My experience - "Simpleescapes" was a discount shopping club advertised through AOL. The promotional offer promised me a $50 Wal-mart card, which never came, nor did I get any informational package (surprise surprise). After awhile of not receiving anything, I called AOL, who put me on hold for so long I eventually hung up. Apparently though, AOL is not responsible for anything Simpleescapes promises. Why they couldn't tell me this in the first place, I have no idea. So Simpleescapes had been charging my card for 6 months for $19.95.

Today (March 2005) I was able to talk to a supervisor at Simpleescapes. She said "how was she supposed to know I never received anything?" I told her I thought AOL was responsible and had called them, got no where, and eventually forgot about it. She said they weren't and I should have called their phone # on my statement if I had a problem, and that she was only obligated to refund me the last two months of charges.

Afterwards, I contacted AOL and cancelled my account with them. AOL wanted to keep my account open for two more months to see if the Wal-mart card would come in - I said don't bother because I don't want to have to call back to cancel AGAIN.

Simpleescapes was right in the fact that I should have called the 800# on my statement, but that still doesn't make up for the fact that they didn't hold up their end of the bargain. So I called them BACK and demanded they credit my card back since October, and asked her who was in charge of sending the information package and the Wal-mart card. They said they were. So WHAT was AOL trying to do by keeping my account open??

I should have told Simpleescapes to mail me my Wal-mart card, but I was so frustrated I just hung up.

I don't know if this qualifies as fraudulent billing. I feel it does, but at this point, I don't even know if I did something wrong or just got taken for an expensive ride. Maybe a little of both. I disputed the charges with my credit card company, other than that, I don't know what to do.

Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
U.S.A. "

And there you have it in a crappy nut shell. I DID try and contact someone about where my stuff was at, I just contacted the wrong people. AOL hooked me up with the nice woman who 'enrolled' me in this Simpleescapes program, so I contacted AOL to ask where my stuff was at.

I seriously doubt I'll see any money credited back to me, as no one from those reports ever has. To contact the attorney general may be a waste of time, as apparently everybody has already done that and Simpleescapes continues on. But the media - yes, the newspapers wwwhhhaaaaaaaaa. They may be interested in seeing my report and the other reports against this company. I shall make an official public stink.

AOL. It never ends with them!

Today I contacted AOL again because they charged my card $23.90 for an account I no longer have. The insisted that they never charged me more than $14.95, even though I have proof on my statement. After being on the phone for 30 minutes and talking to more people than I can remember, as well as given another number to call that turned out to not even be AOL, I was finally given an email address so that I may scan a copy of my statement and send it in -

The email address, which was spelled letter by letter for me, was bogus.

I then called the AOL Fraud number, which told me my wait time was 'more than 10 minutes...'

Of course at that point, I hung up the phone, found a fax number, and faxed it in to them. Then I followed up with a dispute to my credit card company.

I am sick. My head hurts. My stomach hurts. I am weak and can not go on. I feel exhausted, used, abused...

I would like at this point to sue for my pain and suffering.

nnnooooOOOO. I am not a pussy. They will not win. I shall not give up. After all, a man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way...

Exactly, Mr. Twain.