Image hosted by

Friday, August 19, 2005

As I was explaining to Jen,

I have been having some serious problem remembering if things that I am experiencing really did happen, or if they happened in a dream.

My dreams are that real.

She confessed that she too has had this problem and describes the experience as disconcerting. I find it more along the lines of ‘really fucking fucked up’. Regardless of how disturbing it may be, I am just happy to know that I am not alone in having this happen.

Today I discovered as I reached into my mouth, that my tooth was, surprisingly, not actually loose at all. It was in fact, quite fine and attached firmly in my mouth. But sometime early, I distinctly remember wiggling it, thinking Son of a bitch! Well one more thing for my dentist to fix, and trying not to wiggle it right out of there. I was pleased to see everything was okay, but baffled all the same.

Must have been a dream…

I also drove into work today with the impression that I had to resize my new masthead because of Jen’s email about it being too big. But after checking my email later that morning, I realized that not only hadn’t I read the email she sent me yet, but that it also said nothing about making it smaller. In fact, she went with the larger of the two anyway.

Must have been a dream...

At this point, I am seriously questioning myself.

I have lost things that, at this time, don’t even know anymore if they have ever really existed.

I remember putting groceries away in the fridge. I go to get them the next day only to realize I not only don’t I see anything, but don’t ever remember buying them to begin with.

I have gone into my closet looking for a favorite shirt, and upon not finding it, suddenly realize I don’t remember ever having owned such a shirt.

I remember putting things in places, but when I go to get them, they are surprisingly not there because these are things that I have never actually possessed.

And most disturbingly, I have beaten myself up over and over for a bunch of forgotten kittens that may or may not have been living inside my neighbor’s toy chest.

Well, I guess having an active and downright vibrant subconscience is not the worst thing in the world. It gives me a creative edge so that's a plus. With the good always comes some bad. At the very least, it supplies me with some blogging material. As long as I don't forget who I am or what I'm doing here. And if that should ever happen, someone come find me. Thanks in advance.

I thought I knew what my next post would be about but it turns out I have to do this one first, seeing as I have change my look recently ~ thanks Jen for putting it up for me so fast!

Keri wanted to know where my Thursday's SPD was, and since I was caught off guard with that once again, I cleverly announced it is my new masthead, which I did ironically make yesterday, which was Thursday. Guess I killed two birds with one stone on that one; a new look and a Thursday's post.

So there you go - my SPD.
It seems fitting as my little design is all about me.
And what other kind of self portrait could there be?

I didn’t intend for that to rhythm, but that's a Friday bonus for ya.