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Monday, May 22, 2006

For those of you unaware of the great state of Pennsylvania laws on beer – you can only buy six packs and twelve packs from a six-pack shop. You cannot however, buy two twelve packs at the same time. You must purchase only one twelve pack, carry it to your car, and then come back and purchase the other. Why? No one knows, but it’s the law. If you wish to purchase a case or larger, you must go to a beer distributor. There, you can buy as much as you want and walk out with all of it at once. Now that’s more like it. So if you want a case of beer and your friend wants a six-pack, you have to go to two different stores. And up until recently, you could not purchase any beer on Sundays unless you went to a somewhere like a pizzeria where they could sell it to you in singles or six packs. But times are a changing - some beer distributors are now allowed to sell until 5pm on Sundays but you will have to pay cash for it. Don’t worry, there is an ATM located conveniently inside.

And FYI, in case you are wondering about the other good stuff - should you wish to purchase wine or liquor, you must go to a State Store and use either cash or credit. So God forbid you have another buddy with you who wants a bottle of tequila. That’s three stores you need to visit, my friend. But not on Sundays. Never, on Sundays.

Why exactly I felt the need to explain this to you, I have no idea.

So I’m walking into the beer store on Sunday, when I spied a very large gentleman with slanted head, one big eye, one small eye, one long leg, one short leg, and one toof. And yes, he was wearing overalls. If you’ve ever seen the movie “Wrong Turn”, you might get a better idea of what he looked like. Force of habit had me flash him a smile when I looked up at him. I hope he didn’t think I was coming on to him. I ran my card threw the ATM, paid for my beer, and walked out to the car which was parked next to this gentleman’s pick-em-up truck – license plate: “O-BUBBA”.

I kid you not.

God, I love this state.

And if it couldn’t get any better, as I pulled out of the parking lot - I cross my heart and swear to you - I passed Wiley Nelson walking to the beer store. And yes, he too was wearing overalls.