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Thursday, November 17, 2005

I know I know. I haven’t been around at all lately. We were scheduled to have our new DSL turned on last night but of course, it didn’t happen. Verizon has now pushed us into Monday the 21st after 6pm due to their shortage of ports. Nice. So please bear with me ‘til then. I’m trying to visit y’all, I really am!

Testing Testing... Is This Thing On???

SOOoooo - Ever get the overwhelming urge to comment about something you are listening to on the radio? And I don’t mean comment to the person sitting next to you. I mean “on the air”.

I have been tempted many times, but Monday night I couldn’t resist. I was listening to Mary on 101.5 at around 8pm while driving back from class. She was talking about men vs. women and how this study was done about the sense of humor between the two. They determined that women have a much different sense of humor then men and that they are much more analytical about what’s funny.

She says, “Take the The Three Stooges. Men love ‘em. Woman don’t. I mean, how is poking some one in the eye supposed to be funny? Monty Python is another one. Maybe I’m not following the English accent, but really, I just don’t understand the humor. We don’t expect a joke to be funny, really. So when it actually is, and we laugh, it must have been pretty good.”

I agreed about The Three Stooges. Never liked them. But Monty Python is pretty good. To be specific, The Search For The Holy Grail is one of my favorite movies. But the comment I wanted to make was to the specific question she was sending out to us listeners:

“What do men do that they find funny that women can’t see the humor in?”

I had the answer!

Oh sweet Jesus, I had the answer!

Maybe my adrenaline was still pumping from working out minutes before, maybe I just felt like talking about his, I’m not sure what exactly got me to dial those numbers – but I did without hesitation. The only time I have ever called a radio station before was the occasional drunken song request while hanging with the girls. I normally would never dream of calling to give my opinion about a particular subject for fear that someone would disagree with my point of view and rip me an new asshole. But for whatever reason, I had no fear this time – BECAUSE I KNEW THE ANSWER - and waited anxiously for someone to answer my call.

Of course my phone began beeping a warning at me that the battery was low. Great. The one time I decide to be heard over the air waves...

Soon enough some guy answered and asked me my first name and where I was from.

Me: Amy from Bethlehem.
Him: Oh Little Town Of?
Me: You got it.
Him: What’s your answer?
Me: Farting.

I always wondered how this radio stuff worked. I knew to turn my volume down, that’s about it. I could hear Mary talking but it sounded like a recording, like hold music sounds. Then there was a click. Suddenly it sounded like Mary was on the phone with me. I heard her say, “And we have Bethlehem on the line – How you doing tonight, Amy?”

“Ohhh just fine, and you?” Blah blah blahhh, yadda yadda yadda. I confessed to her that I have never called in a comment to a radio station before and that my phone was about to die (that would be my easy way out if things went sour) but that I had the answer to her question…

To which she asked me it again, “So, what do men do that they find funny that women can’t see the humor in?”

“They fart.”

I hear a pause.

Uh oh…. For lack of knowing what else to do, I continued. “Men love farts. They stand around at work, at home, at parties and fart - then they laugh about how loud it was or the smell. I don’t get it. What’s so funny?”

Mary lets out a huge laugh, “OH MY GOD you are absolutely RIGHT!”

Thank dog. I thought I was on my own with this one…

So we went on and on about farting. She even added the good old “burping the alphabet”, to which I summed it up to “any bodily function that makes noise.” She asked me about the Stooges and I told her that no, I didn’t get them. Then she asked me about Monty Python and I had to reveal my love for The Holy Grail and told her if she was going to watch any of them, pick that one.

So Mary’s having a grand old time with this answer of mine, all the while my phone is beeping at me to get off. I have now pulled over onto the shoulder so as not to loose my signal with her, and even though the emergency break is on, my foot’s down on the pedal and it’s shaking. On top of that, my mouth was getting really dry so while Mary talked, I had my finger rubbing my gums to get the cotton out.

After a few gum rubs I started to relax a little because quite frankly, Mary was easy to talk to. Guess that’s why she works for radio. My phone beeped again and I couldn’t think of anything else to say that wasn’t repeating what we already covered, and I decided to get out while the getting was good (and before I said something, um, stupid…)

She’s still talking and I’m thinking of ways to wrap it up, like, “Okay so, that’s all I wanted to say” but that seemed so lame. Fortunately, Mary took care of it for me and thanked me – actually told me it was an “honor” - for letting her be my first radio station to comment to. I hung up and immediately turned the radio back up, hoping for a delay so I could hear my voice sound like a twelve year old girl, like it usually does, but alas, I only caught the tail end of Mary’s goodbyes.

Wouldn’t you know it, every person who called in after me talked about farting.

I officially started something, and it was live on the air.

Mama will be soooo proud!