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Thursday, February 17, 2005

I don’t know what has happened to the automotive field, but the cars they are putting out now, no matter what make or model, are somehow incapable of driving correctly. My car seems to be one of the last good ones out there. These new ones appear to be perfectly good automobiles, but apparently they did not come with any type of acceleration device.

- That’s the first thing I noticed. They always seem to be around 5 to 10 mph slower than the speed limit. Everywhere I go - there they are in front of me, putt-put-putting along. I don’t understand it. When I buy a car, I want to make sure it can go pretty darn fast. If I were the driver, I'd be pretty pissed that I can't get my car to accelerate.

- The second thing I noticed is also speed related. These cars actually slow down when merging onto a highway. The break lights come on and everything! How can anyone expect to get into 65mph traffic doing 35mph? Bad design.

- Thing number three - there must be some sort of safety mechanism that triggers the car to come to almost a complete stop before turning the wheels to go around a corner.

- Thing number four - there are no turn signals! These cars just turn at will. I’m mean, you’d think a $40,000 BMW would come with turn signals. Must be an option.

- Thing number five - these new cars have the darnedest time staying between the lines in the road. It must be very annoying to have a car that wants to drift into other people’s lanes. In fact, you can see the drivers on their cell phones trying to reach the dealerships to tell them it’s happening again.

- Thing number six - every once in awhile, I will see one of these cars displaying some new ‘exit taking technology’, where the car actually passes the exit and then proceeds to back up to it. I don’t understand the efficiency of this; looks like more work than just merging off the highway.

- Thing number seven – these cars don’t have the ability to pull over on a side street when picking someone up. They just stop right there in the road so you have go around them. Most of these cars seem to be in my town.

- Thing number eight – the windshield wiper fluid activates only when there is another car, usually yours, directly behind it, thus spraying your windshield as well. They should have made it so the fluid disperses only when there is ample distance between cars.

- Thing number nine – if one of these cars happens to be behind you when you are making a turn, any distance between the two cars will shorten into mere inches, and a piercing horn will sound from behind you until you are completely off the road and they have safely passed. Must be some sort of precautionary device that is acknowledging your attempt to leave the situation.

Yesterday my automobile and I were on our way to class, doing a nice 45mph up a 40mph hill, when I saw a car-less driver walking down the side of the road. As I was getting closer to him, I could see he was a big boy. Had to be six foot something, close to 300 lbs. I thought, now he’d leave a nice dent. One tiny jerk of the wheel at just the right moment would clip him in the hip. Then I thought, nahhh.

Too easy a target… Not enough points.
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, We are spiritual beings having a human experience and Infinite love is the only truth, everything else is an illusion."
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin