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Friday, March 18, 2005

Yesterday morning, I went to start the car so we could go to work.

Yeah, real exciting, I know.

Thing is, there was a white Cavalier parked in front of our driveway blocking us from getting out. I HATE it when people park in front of my driveway. I have two No Parking signs up on my gate, but like the cops have said several times already, people are rude and they’re gonna park where ever they want. Still, we have to get to work...

Son of a bitch.

This has been an on going problem for us. Sometimes the owner comes out before I have to leave, sometimes I find the owner by knocking on doors – and sometimes I am forced to call the cops to help.

Note to self: Use non-emergency number. 911 only pisses them off.

At 7am though, I don’t exactly feel like knocking on people’s doors for fear that they are innocent. I’d hate to disturb people that early in the morning for something that doesn’t concern them. But see, that’s the type of person I am. Considerate. Unlike others around this area... Anyway, a uniformed officer usually has better luck getting answers.

The cruiser pulled up about 15 minutes after I placed the call. Usually, they pull in, park, get out, and walk over to talk to me. Not this guy. He stayed in his car, in the middle of the road. I've watched COPS enough times to know that they don't take kindly to people approaching the cruiser. So I stood on my sidewalk and waited.


What? Did he just honk at me?? How rude. I could barely see, but apparently he was motioning for me to come to his passenger window. I walked over and he started taking some of my information; name, phone number... age... um, why does he need to know how old I am? I couldn't even remember when he asked either, that was the funny part. For some reason 21 wanted to come out, but I knew that didn't sound right. I managed to remember I was in my 30's. Then it was just a matter of whether I was 33 or 34. "THIRTY FOUR." I was praying for no more difficult questions. For some reason, whenever there are police involve, I always feel like I'm the one on trial, even if I'm the one who called them. And would it hurt for him to turn down the heater blower because that and the radio made it very hard to hear him.

He ran the Cavalier’s plates and discovered that the owner was a girl who lived on next street over. One of my neighbors who was watching this whole fiasco, recognized the girl’s name and walked over in robe and fuzzy slippers to go get her. Meanwhile, the cop slapped a citation on the windshield. That's when we noticed the words 'Puta Bitch' keyed into her hood.

That's also when I started to wonder about this cop. He said, 'someone keyed your car'...

I kept my head down while my eyes looked for help.

I had to have misunderstood him. He must have said, someone keyed HER car, right? Then he asked me if it was an old or new scratch... How the hell am I supposed to - I looked up at him. The stress must be getting to him. He must be losing it. Is he with me on this?

'How the hell would I know? Am I psychic dumbass? It's not my freak'in car...'

Well, that's what I wanted to say. What I said was, "It looks old." I didn't know what to do next, but he decided to go on about how some touch up paint would take care of it...

I didn't care - it wasn't my %x?!#&% car!

Cavalier girl sure took her own sweet ass time to come move her car. She was fashionably dressed with curly blonde locks, sporting one hell of a bitch attitude. And wouldn’t you know it, there was no remorse. She was actually annoyed with me for making her move her car. I think I caught a very mumbled ‘sorry’, but other than that, she didn’t care. It never even phased her that Earl and I were losing money waiting for her.

She reminded me of one of those spoiled clueless teenagers that Judge Judy loves to explain the ways of the world to...

As she was unlocking her door, she said that she wasn’t even the one who parked it there, her friend did. So I said that she better tell her friend that you can’t park in front of someone’s driveway – ever, and that she had no idea how close she came to getting the damn thing towed, or how much that would have cost her, or how much money my husband and I were losing from her laziness and stupidity.

And why am I doing all the talking? Isn’t the cop going to say anything? How about a scolding, Mr. Occifer?? Hmf. If it had been the other way around and I had parked in her spot, I would have been arrested by now (that’s just my luck). And they tell you not to take the law in your own hands...

This morning, I went to start our car so we could go to work.

Yeah, yeah, I know... but it gets better...

Today, there was a Mercedes parked in front of my driveway.


“Amy”, I hear Earl call down to me. “I know, I see it. I’ll call the cops in a minute.” I walked over to my neighbors and knocked on the door. They had no idea whose car it was, so I called the cops.

‘Hey, It’s me again.’ Just kidding, hahaha. I wish I could have said that. Whoa. Deja Vu.

I waited almost 30 minutes for the cruiser. I was relieved to see it was a different officer. He was much friendlier than the last cop - and didn’t ask my age. He ran the plates, got a phone number, and called the owner. Apparently, the owner’s daughter had taken the Mercedes out for the night and gave us a cell number to reach her. Apparently, daughter was right down the street somewhere.

Here we go again.

Cop told daughter to come move car.

We wait.

And wait.

20 minutes passed and the cop got impatient. That was refreshing because my patience had been gone since I first saw the Cavalier from yesterday.

Cop said he was sick of waiting, and who does she think she is, and called a tow truck.

I like this cop’s attitude.

While we waited for the tow truck, we talked about what we could do to stop this from happening again. He said he was going to see if the town would paint a No Parking box on the road in front of our driveway. In the meantime, he told us to put bigger and brighter signs on our gate. Other than that, it’s hard to stop people from parking where they shouldn’t.

Earl and I felt kind of silly about how dragged out these things can get, not that we could help it, and apologized for making him waste his time on something so stupid. But he didn’t mind at all. “At least you guys have jobs you need to get to”, he said. That kinda surprised us but I guess a lot of people in our area just depend on Welfare to get by.

Minutes before the truck arrived, the bitch, er, Mercedes girl walked up the road to retrieve her car (sorry, mom's car). Her skinny body was all decked out in her party clothes from the night before; low ride jeans, halter-top, crop jacket, curly fake blonde hair, lots of jewelry – oh, and a very droopy drippy face complete with blood shot eyes and one very red, clogged nose.

“Sorry, sorry”, she mumbled, rubbing her nose several times, sniffling up a bunch of snot. Anyone could tell she was suffering from some serious post coke drip.

Just then, wouldn’t you know it - the Cavalier from yesterday passed us and turned the corner. “That was the car that parked here yesterday!” I yelled out. What are the chances?

“No shit…” said the cop and walked out to the corner to watch it drive down the road.

Meanwhile, Mercedes girl started to unlock her car, and I thought - Oh No No No, its not going to be that easy for you, my friend. I looked at the cop and he at me. I said,

“You give her shit, man! You go give her shit!”

(and no, I don’t normally talk to cops like that.)

He nodded and walked over to her still trying to unlock the door. He handed her a ticket and gave her a lecture that made her shake in her alligator boots. She told him that she parked there last night but didn’t realize she was going to end up staying the night.

“So?” The cop asked. “It doesn’t matter if you were staying 2 seconds, you don’t park here - ever. If I ever see you parked anywhere you’re not supposed to be again, I’ll tow it. I wont look for you, I’ll just tow it.”

He walked back to his car and gave me the international OKEE DOKEE sign. I smiled and mouthed a thank you to him. The girl got in the car and pulled around the corner.

Earl and I jumped in our car, backed out of the driveway, and pulled around the corner.

Wouldn’t you know it…

There was the Mercedes…

Parked on the side of someone’s driveway, blocking another car in.

And guess who she was parked next to…

The Cavalier that blocked us in yesterday.

WHAT are the chances of THAT – I’m guessing they’re buddies. What do you think Mercedes girl was thinking when I made such a stink to the cop about Cavalier girl driving by?

I’ve never had so much steam come out of my ears at once. We stopped in the middle of the street and stared at the two cars.

Son Of A Bitchhhhh.

Earl thought the girls were working together, a conspiracy, and blocked us in again today on purpose, just to be spiteful. But it would seem a ticket and possibly getting your car towed is a big price to pay for being spiteful.

Seems we may have a war on our hands, people.