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Monday, May 10, 2004

I have no idea how I ended up posting the same blog 3 times, but thanks to the new set up of, I was able to knock it down to one. Unfortunately, I erased the only one that had a comment on it - thanks anyway Karl - but at least nobody has to see the same thing over and over again. The new Blogger looks nice, don't you think?

Well, we went to a bachelor/bachelorette party on Saturday. Just like every other day of our lives, Earl and I had to drive an hour into NJ. We meet the other 15 people who were going and at 8 pm we all boarded a big ol' party bus which took us to NYC for a burlesque show at the Cutting Room.

It was interesting, to say the least. Before we settled into our seats, I had to make a quick pit stop. I hadn't been to NYC for about 10 years, and I was instantly reminded of what makes NY so intriguing. There, in the bathroom with me, was a girl about 6' tall with long blonde hair, wearing a red and white poka-dotted 1920's dress - COMPLETELY see-thru. It was just a shocking thing and it was hard not to stare, I mean you don't see that everyday. I was curious if she was female; you know how New York is. But I suspected that she was indeed a she, especially when she pulled her dress all the way up to her waist so she could pull her stockings up. She was a big girl too, very thick. She had so much make up on that I thought she might be a clown, but figured she must just be trying to cover up her ungodly large hook nose. Man, that thing was big.

I headed out of the bathroom and sat down at our table. I had time to order one beer for $8 before the show started.

Our host, who introduced herself as the 'producer' of the show, was a woman in her late 50's. She had long red hair and was dressed in a black teddy and robe with lots of feathers. She had a pretty good figure for a lady in her 50s, but her face was old looking; of course it had gobs make up smeared all over it. She tried really hard to be funny and flirty, but it just wasn't working. Then she started to sing. Oh my. Suddenly, this REALLY tall, REALLY gay man jumped on stage with her and they started doing this routine together. He had the build of a string bean and was dressed in black spandex pants and a black un-buttoned shirt. I guess they were supposed to be doing a really "hot" dance together, but it didn't do much for me nor did I quite know what to make of it.

They finally finished, and along came a Spanish lady who was introduced by the producer as a 1920's gal, but shockingly danced a routine to Van Halen.

Next, was Alberto. He was a Latin cowboy. I believe he had the most talent of all the actors. He did rope tricks that would knock your socks off. We all seemed pretty impressed. Then at the end, he showed us his tush.

The string bean spandex guy also did some sort of performance. Obviously, it didn't leave much of an impression as I don't even remember what it was.

Then came the belly dancer. She was really good too. Very beautiful and fun to watch.

Next was the fire guy. He liked fire. He ate it, spit it out, rolled in it, you name it. He actually came over to me and rubbed the fire on his belly. I can only imagine the look on my face. I actually was caught up in starring at the mark on his belly. I couldn't decide if it was a scar or a branding. He was funny because he didn't have the greatest body, in fact he had a bit of a gut. But he danced around with that fire like he was Fabio.

Then the next act was somebody that I could recognize. It was the gal from bathroom, only she wasn't wearing her dress anymore. She wasn't really wearing anything. 2 pasties, one thong, and her stockings. Oh, and she had two really big fans made of pink feathers. I don't know what you would call the dance that she did with those fans, but I kind of wished she kept them in front of her more. She had some pretty cottage cheese marks on her butt, although most people in the audience were whispering more about that hooked schnaze of hers.

Finally, the last act was the producer and the string bean again. I don't even think I can write about what they did, except that it was intended to be very sensuous, and it wasn't. I think the producer should retire or just stick to introducing the next act. I don't think anybody wants to see "that" on anybody over 35.

There were 2 other bacheloretts in the audience besides ours. They got called up on stage and received free pasties. Our bachelorette wouldn't go up, so her fiancee did instead. They have him 2 tickets to the Museum Of Sex. Our friends weren't jumping for joy, but it was a fun prize anyway.

Which reminds me - I found out that our bride and groom decided last year that they were not going to have sex again until their wedding day. They wanted their wedding night to be like it was their first time. A whole year - next Saturday is the wedding. How romantic! The girls in our group thought it was an amazing gesture to each other, but the guys thought they were insane.

After the show we all boarded the bus again. We even had a couple extra people from the show that tried to hitch a free ride (and free beer). They were lucky the bus wasn't moving when the driver threw them off.

We arrived back at the bride and groom's house about 4:45 am. I hear the groom had to work at 5 am, I wonder if he made it. Earl and I stopped at a diner on the way home and then pulled into the driveway at 6am. We slept until noon, then headed to the park for our friend's BBQ. The Canada Geese had their fuzzy babies out in the water and I got some great pictures of them trying to climb out onto land.

As I mentioned before, next Saturday is the wedding. Should be something to blog about. I'll let you know.