I just got off the phone with our friend Steve... Keri's EX-boyfriend.
He broke up with her shortly after he took her to Aruba with him...
He didn't want to take her in the first place. He had originally asked Sebie who agreed to go and paid for his own ticket, but by the time the trip came around, Sebie got a new job and couldn't go. Steve was in a jam with this paid-for extra ticket, and asked Earl if he would join him... but there was no way Earl was going to Aruba without me... Not a mother dogging chance.
So Steve had no choice but to ask his girlfriend, Keri... Whom he said he might end up killing if he spent too much time with her...
And so it was done. He asked Keri. And Keri said yes.
So the happy couple went off to Aruba. It was there that Steve realized exactly what a psycho freak Keri actually was... er, is. Within the first day, he was done with her.
He had made it very clear that she was not to go topless on the beach. She of course, insisted that she needed to swim naked in the ocean. Steve told her that if she must, she should remove only her top when she got into the ocean, and then put it back on before she came out. Naturally, she did not replace the top when she came back out, and Steve became very angry. He said he had to go back up to the room to grab money for parasailing and that when he returned, she had better have her act together and her clothes on...
Apparently, while Steve was grabbing money from the room, Keri had found a very large African man to rub aloe over her naked torso...
And then it was parasailing time... It was there that Keri told all the people on the boat that she had been hanging by her ankles while parasailing, even though they all saw her not doing that. Steve was so embarrassed, he told them he didn't know who she was and had just met her on the beach. It was at this time too that Keri retold her adventures of sky diving without a parachute from 30,000 feet and landed by diving into the ocean.
Later that night, Steve was confronted by three guys who had been on the beach that afternoon. They informed Steve that he "had quite a winner with him", to which he inquired what they meant by that. They then described the "show" she put on for everyone on the beach with a bottle of aloe and the large black man.
How. Humiliating. Is that?
Sooo, tonight I talked to Steve. He said Keri had been text messaging him all night. She claims to have been in North Carolina for over a week (if that's true, I dare to ask, who took care of her animals??), and when she got back, she was admitted into the hospital for...
1. Atopic pregnancy (from him)
2. Right ovary removal
3. Thyroid tumors
The bill was $17,000 that she some how PAID –
Money down - she holds Steve liable for the $17,000. Oh man. Who can't see that one coming?
Word to the wise. Don’t EVER fuck with the mentally ill.
He broke up with her shortly after he took her to Aruba with him...
He didn't want to take her in the first place. He had originally asked Sebie who agreed to go and paid for his own ticket, but by the time the trip came around, Sebie got a new job and couldn't go. Steve was in a jam with this paid-for extra ticket, and asked Earl if he would join him... but there was no way Earl was going to Aruba without me... Not a mother dogging chance.
So Steve had no choice but to ask his girlfriend, Keri... Whom he said he might end up killing if he spent too much time with her...
And so it was done. He asked Keri. And Keri said yes.
So the happy couple went off to Aruba. It was there that Steve realized exactly what a psycho freak Keri actually was... er, is. Within the first day, he was done with her.
He had made it very clear that she was not to go topless on the beach. She of course, insisted that she needed to swim naked in the ocean. Steve told her that if she must, she should remove only her top when she got into the ocean, and then put it back on before she came out. Naturally, she did not replace the top when she came back out, and Steve became very angry. He said he had to go back up to the room to grab money for parasailing and that when he returned, she had better have her act together and her clothes on...
Apparently, while Steve was grabbing money from the room, Keri had found a very large African man to rub aloe over her naked torso...
And then it was parasailing time... It was there that Keri told all the people on the boat that she had been hanging by her ankles while parasailing, even though they all saw her not doing that. Steve was so embarrassed, he told them he didn't know who she was and had just met her on the beach. It was at this time too that Keri retold her adventures of sky diving without a parachute from 30,000 feet and landed by diving into the ocean.
Later that night, Steve was confronted by three guys who had been on the beach that afternoon. They informed Steve that he "had quite a winner with him", to which he inquired what they meant by that. They then described the "show" she put on for everyone on the beach with a bottle of aloe and the large black man.
How. Humiliating. Is that?
Sooo, tonight I talked to Steve. He said Keri had been text messaging him all night. She claims to have been in North Carolina for over a week (if that's true, I dare to ask, who took care of her animals??), and when she got back, she was admitted into the hospital for...
1. Atopic pregnancy (from him)
2. Right ovary removal
3. Thyroid tumors
The bill was $17,000 that she some how PAID –
Money down - she holds Steve liable for the $17,000. Oh man. Who can't see that one coming?
Word to the wise. Don’t EVER fuck with the mentally ill.
posted by Sp00kalot at 11:01 PM
10 Comments:
Are you making this up? Not that it matters- it reads GREAT- but Keri is more psycho than just about anybody I know- except maybe Spacey Tracey, the massage therapist. You do NOT want to be on her table when she's telling about why she had to spray obscenities on her boyfriend's lawn with Round-Up
This is funny. I thought I had dated some crazies in my past. Not like this. Hopefully never like this. Yikes. Scary stuff.
Your words are sage. I wish my Dad would listen. I think he's living with Keri's mother.
Good story. Would've been better with pictures though.
(Of the parasailing, I mean... Honest.)
Vicki - I couldn't make this stuff if someone paid me to. This is the real deal.
What's even scarier is we know a guy named Dave is an exact replica of Keri. He has whatever Keri has and his lies are equally as insane. Must be in the Bethlehem water system.
Shane - I pray for you that you NEVER hook up with such a disturbed individual. Fortunately, the last I heard Keri had plans to move to Mexico. Mexico. Of course, it would have to be Mexico.
Z - I shutter to think of the womb that created this monstrosity.
anonymous - I DO! HOLY SHIT I DO!! Not of her parasailing (by her ankles) but almost as good. I'm posting it NOW! Great idea! At least the picture will be proof she actually does exist.
You know, every time I think my life might be a little screwy, a Keri like this (not like Keri of 500miles2nowhere!) comes along and makes me feel a whole lot better.
Ain't that the truth. Amen, sister.
Oh my god. This makes me think that all the horrible stories my husband told me about his prior girlfriends are tame by comparison. And they've tried to kill HIM! How scary!
It's crazy beeyatches like that---that give us women a bad name.
If she is pregnant, I hope it is not your friend's. And, I hope the baby has a ginormous head and very broad shoulders.
I have to call Steve. I just remembered that a couple weeks before Keri claimed to have had this atopic pregnancy, she was asking me for tampons.
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