WHO'S THE BITCH?

I'm in Blockbuster tonight, PRAYING one of the movies that I have been looking for for weeks is in stock. Dark Water is something I have been dying to see and have returned repeatively since its been out on DVD to get it. And every single time, it's out.

So this time, I walk in to the store, head right to the shelf, and see ONE copy left.

I. Am. So. Excited.

I start walking double speed to get to it first before anybody else. That's when I see a woman standing to the right, looking at other movies, talking on her cell phone, and slowly taking one step at a time towards my movie.

I think to myself, 'watch this woman try and snag my movie'. I kick it into overdrive.

I reach the shelf. She is standing directly in front of it still talking on her phone.

I extend my hand out and place it on the DVD - at the EXACT moment she says into her phone, "Well... there's Dark Water..."

I freeze, hand glued to movie still on shelf. I look at her, she at me, phone still stuck to ear.

She knows I heard her say the title. I'm still looking at her and she's still looking at me. Her mouth is slightly open like she just smelled something funny and I have already offended her.

I have a decision to make - and its not whether or not I'm leaving with this movie because I AM. After all, I am physically in the store and I have my physical hand on the thing. She is discussing with someone what to watch because she has no clue and is only rambling off the title as a suggestion.

I have the upper hand. By all means writen in the universe, this movie is rightfully mine.

So the question in my brain was not whether I should be nice and offer it to her (for God's sake, I've made enough trips to BB to get this thing). Nope. It's whether or not I should slowly and nicely remove the DVD from the shelf and be on my way OR should I rip it off the shelf in a playful "you loose beyotch" kind of way.

She is still looking at me. She's not giving in either. I thought maybe by now she would say, 'oh that's okay. Take it. I dont think we want it anyway.'

Not the case.

I had made up my mind to go with the playful snatching. I flashed her a big shit eatin' grin, and ripped the thing off the shelf - which pretty much presented itself as more of an abnoxious move but I really had thought it would make her crack a smile.

Not the case.

I had the movie in my hand. It was mine and I am glowing. As I walked away I could her saying into the phone, 'okayyyyyy', all sarcastic like. I know now for sure, she was telling the phone person that some blonde bitch just snagged the movie right out from under her nose.

I did.

Then I saw the HUSBAND and her whispering. They were all 'spspspppsp' in each other's ears. He looked me like, 'you little c-x-x-x!'.

I am.

Hey. How would anybody know if the person on the phone said, 'oh yeah! get that one!' or 'I dont care, whatever'. I cant be sure. But that particular movie was so important than that phone person should have come to get it herself. Himself. Whatever.

He continued on, looking for movies of course in my direction. As he approached me I wonder if he was actually going to say something to me. Was I prepared to take him on? I think so. Was I sure that I wasnt wrong for taking it? Naaahh noooo. It was pretty mean of me. I think. Wait a second though - wasnt it mean of her to not let me have it? I mean, I am the one in the store. The person on her phone telling her what to rent is not!

He came to me, thats fir sur. But he didnt say anything. He just gave me 'the look' and continued on his way.

I made way to the other side of the store as fast as I could, before I asked myself what I was still doing there and walked to the register. I feel now that my head is on fire because everyone in the store must know by now that I am a ruthless DVD renter and will do whatever it takes to get the movie I want.

But hold on.

Had that woman been to the store for two weeks waiting for that flick? I think not. And who the hell does her big bad husband think he is for giving me the evil eye. Its not like I have a veil with me to protect myself from that (miss that one? you'll have to read the post below). But still, I'm a nice person. Super, overly nice. I let people with less items go in front of me in the grocery store line. I help old people carry bags to their car. I give new neighbors apple pies. I am a geniunly nice person. I can't believe that I bitched myself out for a stupid movie.

But when is someone going to be nice to me for a change? When am I going to get mineeeee.

This movie better be good.

I pull into my road, all excited about watching the DVD. The car in front of me stops in front of my driveway. He puts it in park...

What the?

I've got my rear end hanging out into the highway. I politely tap on my horn.

I am ignored.

I fear he thinks that I cant get around him. I dont want to get around him, I want to get into my driveway. I tap the horn again.

Still nothing.

I honk the horn. Nothing.

I HONK the horn. NOTHING.

I HONK HONK HONK. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING.

I roll down my window and yell 'DUDE, I LIVE THERE. PULL UP!'

I AM IGNORED.

One thing left to do. I push the horn down and leave it down. EVENTUALLY, dick face rolls down his window. I release the horn.

He say's "I'm dropping my kid off! What's your rush??"

Yeah, try and make me look like the asshole.

It has NOW become apparent that he is the kid's father of my new neighbors (who, of course does not live with the kid).

You remember my neighbors - the ones that like to park in front of my driveway until I have them towed.

So then - What's my rush? Why you little... "I live there! My ass is sticking out in the road. PULL UP."

No response. Window goes up. Kid finally gets out. Dad drives away.

Esssuze me, Ese. Had you any common curtisy and just TOLD me what you were doing, I would have pulled past you, circled the block, and come back up. Totally easy. But NO. You had to be a prick and ignore me. You had to show TOTAL DISREGARD FOR ANYBODY ELSE and ONLY CARED ABOUT WHAT WAS ON YOUR AGENDA.

I am so sick of that.

Come to think of it, had he any common curtisy, he wouldnt have blocked me from my driveway in the first place.

ARGGGAHHHHHHH.

At least I have my movie.

Am I a bitch? If I am, am I rightfully so? Or should I just back the fuck off and let everyone else have their way? If so, can I stop letting people with less items in front of me in line - although I do enjoy doing that so - It would be my quiet little way of getting back at them.

Know what I mean jelly bean?