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Sunday, January 08, 2006

FORWARNING: For those of you have not seen March Of The Penguins, turn away. TURN AWAY NOW. Cause I'm about to bash the shit out of that bitch.

Look. I don't know WHO thought March Of The Penguins was a good, family fun, happy movie to watch - but I am putting on the record for me -

IT WAS HORRIBLE.

Horrible in the means that IT WAS TOO SAD TO WATCH.

I'm not one of those big animal weenies that cries at every lost puppy. I feel it inside but I'm not going to bore you with a river of tears. I even watch Animal Planet and dont get this upset. And I'm not all about penguins or anything...

BUT HELLLLL NO.

First with the late guy who missed the bus and falls on the ice and "disappears". Then on to the mamas who have to walk 70 miles before they starve, leaving the papas to stand for 4 months to protect an egg, if it makes it, and what else -

OH WELL HELL, LIKE, ALL OF IT.

There was barely any funny happy time with those penguins...

Passing the egg off - hey, don't let it touch the ground... whoops! Too late. Hey get some fish while your down in the water but dont get eaten before you get out because both you and your baby will die, and heyyy keep your back to the blistering snow so the baby's head wont freeze...

I made it 2/3 of the way through. I got to the part with that big ugly Albatrose bird came swooping down to eat one of the babies only to have NONE and I mean NOT ONE of the mothers to come help. After all of the work, the months of agony on both the sides of the fathers and mothers, all the hard work put into these chicks -

AND NOT ONE OF YOU IS GOING TO STOP A BIG UGLY FOREING LOOKING MOTHER FUCKING BIRD FROM FLYING OFF WITH ONE OF YOUR BABIES??

Bitch Please.

I cant watch it. I know. Its life. Its nature. That doesnt mean I want to spend my Sunday night enjoying the idea of these precious fluffy babies freezing to death or their funny walking parents starving to death or getting eatten by leapord seals.

Who know what happened at the end. I imagine a handful survived only to become adults and and do the march all over again.

Meanwhile, I have a baby kitten on my lap and I cant imagine standing around while it got picked apart by a big nasty bird.

March of the Penguins - Big, heartaching let down. I am going to be sad and depressed for four days now. Even Earl thought it was going to be some Disney "put a smile on your face" flick. That settles it. There is NO WAY I'm watching King Kong...

Morgan Freeman, you should be ashamed of yourself for misleading me like that. Yeah I know. Even while I sit eating my chimichanga, some baby antelope is getting mauled by a lion.

I don't have to watch it happen.

5 Comments:

Blogger Sp00kalot said...

Thanks. I wrote it last night - This morning I thought perhaps I was a little rough on it, but really I thought the film was brutally honest - which can be a good thing and even refreshing when it comes to most things.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

I haven't seen the movie, so I didn't read this post, but I came by to leave a comment because you said so. :)

1:14 PM  
Blogger Sp00kalot said...

Thank you.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Kathy Howe said...

I haven't seen the movie but I read this anyways because I'm not a person that gives a rats kazoofus about having the ending of anything revealed to me.

Feel free to tell me about Star Wars next. ;)

3:40 PM  
Blogger The Rainbow Zebra said...

I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't laugh but I'm ROFL here. We all enjoyed it (I love animal documentaries). Your review is hysterical.

But if you ask my son his favorite part? It's when the seal eats the penguin :X Ayiyiyi.

Cried alot at King Kong (but it was still good).

2:41 PM  

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